


Motel 6

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Times, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 06:39:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Free cable?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Motel 6

## Motel 6

by silvina

Standard Disclaimer. It's my first real Sentinel piece here so be harsh (but please be specific). Remember, only you can prevent bad stories. The song is Leave, by Matchbox Twenty. There's a sequel called Chain Reaction. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com.   
Motel 6   


* * *

Unable to sleep, Blair lay in the lumpy, musty motel bed, watching the flickering neon sign as FREE CABLE became F EE CABLE. Grunting softly, he gave up and turned on the bedside lamp. Also flickering, the light finally stabilized into a harsh beam of bright light. Legs crossed, spine straight, he tried to meditate but his brain was set on repeating the past week. Barely beginning to move beyond the pain and mistrust of Alex Barnes, their fragile relationship apparently hadn't been strong enough to survive the dissertation disaster, as he'd begun calling it in his head. Even after he'd sacrificed his entire career, it hadn't been enough. It wasn't like he had been the only one hurt though. Jim, obviously, was both physically and emotionally wounded, and Megan and Simon had been shot too. 

Even though he blamed himself, Blair had been trying to make the best of a bad situation. It had seemed that everything would be okay. Not good, but overall survivable. But even that hadn't lasted long. 

Sighing heavily, he pulled his journal out of his emergency-leaving backpack, trying not to remember how in three years, he'd never needed it before. Most especially trying not to remember his plans to explain its meaning to Jim and for them to unpack it together after Jim had rescued him from Lash and from the elevator, after realizing that Jim had been frantically worried about him. 

It's amazing   
how you make your face just like a wall how you take your heart and turn it off how I turn my head and lose it all. 

One week had become three years. Three years of a growing friendship. He should have learned that hardheaded, unemotional Jim Ellison didn't forgive people that hurt him. It had taken him years to forgive his brother for a child's vain attempt to escape punishment. Blair was only his Guide, a Guide who didn't know what the hell he was doing. 

and it's unnerving   
how just one move puts me by myself   
there you go just trusting someone else now I know I put us both through hell 

I know that. And in hindsight, I should have had a plan from the beginning. I should have realized what might happen. But you were my Holy Grail man, my dissertation come to life in living, breathing color. Too bad we live in black and white. 

I'm not saying   
there was nothing wrong   
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me 

At first, I was worried constantly. I mean nobody else has ever held on like that. Naomi of course, but she had to, and she didn't ever hesitate to take off by herself. You just pulled me in and made me part of your life. You took my joke about being my Blessed Protector seriously. 

I'm not saying   
we ever had the right to hold on   
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me 

I thought I had everything under control, I swear. I didn't know Alex was evil; most of my research indicated that all Sentinels had the instinct to protect the tribe. All I knew was that she needed my help. At one time, so did you. 

I definitely didn't know my mother was going to give my diss to a publisher. I didn't even know she knew any. And I didn't have a clue that he would release it without my permission. It's not her fault either. She didn't even know what it was about. I uh, told her not to read it. 

but if that's how it's gonna leave   
straight out from underneath   
then we'll see who's sorry now   
if that's how it's gonna stand, when   
you know you've been depending on   
the one you're leaving now   
the one you're leaving out 

If you wanted an excuse to throw me out, you've had better. That first day, when Larry trashed the loft or when I leave the bathroom a mess or when I got in the way. But you didn't then. And maybe you're right. Maybe this is for the best. But I think I would have made a decent cop, unorthodox maybe, but a good cop. 'Course now I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I can't be an anthropologist. I can't be a cop. And I can't be a Guide. The last one hurts more than anything else. You don't trust me anymore and I'm not sure you should. Anyway, I'm not sure I could trust another Sentinel after Alex tried to - tried to do what she did. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've already done everything I can, I can't do or say anything more. I have nothing left to give up. 

it's aggravating   
how you threw me on   
and you tore me out   
how your good intentions turned to doubt the way you needed time to sort it out 

I've given you everything I've had for three years, and I've only barely made a dent in your wall. I gave up everything for you. I died! And you put up the patented Jim Ellison Do Not Disturb sign, a little castle complete with shark-filled moat and no door in sight. 

I'm not saying   
there was nothing wrong   
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me I'm not saying   
we ever had the right to hold on   
I just couldn't ever let you get away from me 

No second chances at Chez Ellison. Not when you think I betrayed you. Don't you trust me even a little? 

but if that's how you're gonna leave straight out from underneath   
then we'll see who's sorry now   
if that's how it's going to stand   
when you know you've been depending on the one you're leaving now   
and the one you're leaving out 

It hurt to come back home -- back to the loft and see all my stuff in boxes. And when I realized you were just reacting to Alex I dealt with it and I got over it. Why can't you do the same? 

I'm not saying   
there was nothing wrong   
I didn't think you'd ever get tired of me 

Everyone does. Naomi does. Ever wonder why she kept going places where she knew she couldn't take me? I love her and I know she loves me but sometimes I got the feeling that I was in the way. 

but if that's how you're gonna leave   
straight out from underneath   
then we'll see who's sorry now   
if that's how it's gonna stand when   
you know you've been depending on   
the one you're leaving now 

Of course my father didn't even stick around to find out that I existed. Probably has a wife and two or three other kids by now. If he's not dead. But then I wouldn't know. I don't even know his name. 

well now tell me if that's how it's gonna end when you know you've been depending on the one you're leaving now   
the one you're leaving out 

Emotionally exhausted, Blair finally fell asleep. Several hours later, in the early morning, he woke up feeling like he was being watched. He climbed stealthily out of bed, and checked the small room and the bathroom for unwelcome visitors. There were none. 

Shaking his head at his guilty conscience, he realized that since there was no way he was going to be able to go back to sleep, he might as well enjoy the delicacies of a gas station breakfast, since he was unable to afford much more with no income. He dressed quickly, pulling on a reasonably clean shirt, and yesterday's pants. 

He turned the handle and opened the door. It opened with quite a lot more force than he was expecting, as a familiar body sprawled on the floor in front of him. "Oh my God, Jim! Are you okay?" 

As a groggy Sentinel rubbed at his eyes, Blair forced himself not to react to the cuteness of that gesture. 

"I'm fine Sandburg." Jim snapped, Reminding Blair of everything he had never had. 

Yeah well, this was his hotel room. "What are you doing here?" He asked as calmly and unemotionally as he could. 

"I couldn't sleep." Jim was looking at his nose, his left ear, right shoulder, the door jamb . . . . everywhere but his eyes. 

"Why not?" Suddenly he understood everything perfectly. Jim was having problems with his senses, but hadn't wanted his help. Jim's being here was only a last resort. "Which sense was it? Hearing? Should have been quiet last night without me moving around." 

Jim muttered something too quietly for him to hear. " Huh?" 

Finally Jim looked him in the eye. "It was too quiet. I couldn't hear your heartbeat - I can always hear your heartbeat. Except when - " 

Blair was stupidly glad that Jim didn't finish. Just maybe Jim wasn't the only one trying to repress traumatic memories. He shuddered, and pushed the memories back down. 

"I'm sorry Sand - Blair. I'm really sorry." 

It took everything he had not to react to that. He knew how Jim regretted that. Jim had a guilt complex bigger than the Northwest Territories. Everything in him wanted to hug him and pretend everything was okay. He couldn't look at Jim right now. 

"I didn't mean-" 

His insides were arguing amongst themselves on whether he should be mad, or sad, or what. "To say that or to be an ass yesterday?" 

"Both." 

The reply made him look up. He could see that Jim was fighting something; he could see tension and worry in pale, bloodshot eyes. Unable to stop himself, he stood up and crossed the room and held on as tightly as he could. Within a few seconds he was securely wrapped in solid arms. 

* * *

End Motel 6 by silvina: sdelcul@yahoo.com

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